WhatTheFcuk

Monday, April 11, 2005
3:27 AM

guess wad. im still awake with my eyes wide open at tis time. n nw im munching some biscuits. another slpless nite. tis time is much worse than the last experience. i juz couldnt slp. in fact, toss in bed for several hrs b4 i decide to stay awake till nw. great. in few hrs time. im going to take my napfa test. lets see how's my results tml. i bet it will be damn bad.with such limited slping hrs. or perhaps i'll stay awake till 6plus den go sch?wadever.

juz read yy's blog. i really feel tat im really mentally/emotionally weak. well. everyone has his/her own problems. n yet mine is really nth, as compared to his. n i really have no idea y shld i be so bothered abt tat till i have tis kind of slpless nite. will things change even if i worried like hell?probably nt. e other party wldnt knw. well. maybe will.but even if the other party knws, so wad?i guess tat wldnt make a difference.how i wish i could be a help. but apparantly i cant. i dun knw how to cheer a person up. i dun knw how to console someone. wad do i knw?probably only formulas and facts from lecture notes. im juz a typical bored person.

sometimes i really hate myself. for being so indecisive. esp when tat matter is v impt to me. even when there's only 2 choices. i'll ponder for days and weeks.or even for mths. 2 choices only u knw!recently im gettin more n more emotional. things juz doesnt go smooth. n i juz cant draw a clear line.im really confused n bu zhi suo cuo. in a lost. there are juz too many factors for me to consider. or maybe these factors are imaginery?ahh.craps

why?y cant i juz draw a clear line den juz forget everything abt it?
it seems to be as simple as ABC. n yet. i juz cant do it.well..
maybe i tink too much
maybe im stubborn
maybe i juz dun wan to face up to e reality?

no idea.

Life is full of question marks for me. there are too many answers for me to find out. im really tired of finding out these answers. i seriously wish tat i could take a break. but somehow, my heart doesnt allow me to take a break. perhaps juz becoz i believe in miracles?

its feels terrible to bottle all the things up. sometimes i also wish tat someone could share my burden. but seems tat i cant find any. any who is free n have my total trust. most of dem are busy with their life. some of dem even have their own problems. guess tis is e time for me to become more independent. well. maybe tutorials and hw are e ones which are helping me to run away from problems temporary. i knw. im a super mugger. n a guy who is v useless. but well. at least it helps me to divert my attention/concentration to another area, for these 1+ years.

guess most of u read till here still dun really get wad am i referring to. but well. its pretty okay. tink no one will knw anyway also. juz treat it tat im crapping can le. its already 4+am. great. guess i can really have the taste of taking napfa test without any slp. gt training too. gotta buck up. haven been putting in real efforts for e past few mths. going to face opponents out of ny. its no longer my "territory" anymore. tink im in my comfort zone too long. its time for me to face e real world. most probably facing failures too. got to get ready for tat too.

想念已成了習慣﹐一個幾乎無法刪除的習慣...

fcuk_off`