WhatTheFcuk

Friday, April 29, 2005
10:06 PM

haix. its all over. till nw, i still feel tat im responsible for the lost against AJ. responsible for NY not being able to qualify for top 4. its juz 3 pts. oh my fucking god. i shldnt listen to my coach at that pt of time. i shld start attacking instead of defending. wad's wrong with my mind?y cant i juz take the lead?y am i always listening to tat idiotic coach when his advices are totally crap?play the same sport for SO MANY YEARS. i emphasize again. SO MANY YEARS!n yet i cant self-coach myself. tis is e most grave mistake i had ever made in my whole entire TT life. never feel so dejected after a game.

oh yah. forgot the blog abt the line up against AJ e day b4.

Battle against damn ass AJ
1st single => me again(strive for 1 pt)
1st double=> joshua n Zhao Qing(strive for 1 pt)
2nd single=> jun bin
2nd double => Ricky n yew boon
3rd single => Lawrence(strive for 1 pt)

Line up was wrong. if im placed as 2nd single. we could have won e game. AJ 2nd single is super weak. wadever. ptless to tok abt line up nw. yup. again im against the strongest single from AJ. im pretty suay. always tio tat. ok. nw im really wanna criticise my coach. even though i knw the fault still lies on me. he asked me to defend. without tinking thru, i juz play "wen"(stable). wad he wans is wen only. but he doesnt understand my playing style. during training, he din train my defend skills. train my offensive skill. n in competition, he asked me to defend. WTF!it doesnt make any fucking sense AT ALL~if i could be more aggressive and offensive tat day, if i could be more flexible and throw his damn advice away, im sure..i'll win tat guy.ok. tts the past le. so today im determined to play my style n dun listen to him.

guess wad he asked me to do today?he asked me to attack. TMD~im really feel like whacking him in presence of everyone. hey u ass, u obviously knw tat my strength is my offensive backhand n from the start of the competition to AJ match, u have been asking me to defend. nw den u change ur mind. ISNT IT ALL TOO LATE!?its juz like u whack a person, den after tat u find out tat u whack the wrong person.im really disappointed in him. n myself too. n no doubt, my team mates really fought damn well when battling against AJ.but ricky tat doubles really lose to the AJ doubles in terms of skills. So actually, the team is being dragged down by my inflexibility and stupidity. n not forgetting the ass coach who doesnt knw how to give suitable advices. but well. im still at least 70% resposible. ok. guess all of u are sick of me complaining.

today match. i really really really hope tat we could win. but to no avail. today the doubles we arranged doesnt perform up to expectation. ok. b4 tat. i tink im really rude to coach and the teacher in charge. as in. the way i express myself. today we actually wanna win 2 doubles n 1 singles. so the other 2 singles will act as "bait" de la. so i suggest yy n glenn to play the 2 singles instead of glenn n zi jia(J1). coz both yy n glenn r already year 2s. n they haven played a single match la. so shld let dem play lor. at 1st teacher n coach refused, saying tat they wanna train the year 1s. so i directly shoot dem. "i tell u, next year this batch of year 1s wun be able to make it de. wad for u train dem?they are juz hopeless. y not let yy play?since its his last year liao le."but frankly speaking, after my batch, the team is really no quality. unless next year got gd players wanna come into ny. or else they practically have 0% of getting into top6. somemore nw no pearls pts system. guess they wun really come to training as often de la. moreover, some of the so-called "quality" players wanna join other ccas. next year, table-tennis team will diminish.
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ok. enough abt tat. its none of my business.
line up against RJ
1st single => glenn(lost 3-0)
1st double=> zhao qing n joshua(lost 3-0)
2nd single=> yy(lost 3-1)
2nd double => lawrence and ricky(lost 3-0)
3rd single=> me(won 3-0)

today's battle against RJ is really disappointing. i tot the 2 doubles will fight well n win. but in the end they lost. i really feel like shit when 1st double lost. my will of fighting on suddenly juz disappear. ya. practically juz disappear. coz 2nd single is yy n his opponent is the 3rd best player of e team. it is juz impossible for yy to defeat him even if there's tons of luck with us. coz even if i play against him, the winning possibilities is juz 50-50. glenn tried damn hard to ask us to cheer our players. he is really a gd team player. despite knwing tat its hopeless to gain a victory, he still do tis. but me?i juz indulge in my own sadness. i did cheer. but its tat kind of fu yan de.

when its my turn to play, the game pt is already 4-0. i dun have e fight spirit. my opponent is definitely weaker than me in terms of skill. so i play with sianess. i still did attack him. smash him n all the stuffs i did in trainings. my performance is alrite. but somehow, i dun feel happy when i thrashed him.(11-3, 11-9, 11-6) at tat moment, my task is not to get a victory for NY. but to get some 'face' back. as in dun lose to dem 5-0. after e game, i really dun feel like toking. wad passes thru my mind were all the scenes, the scenes of me playing against the AJ guy. i start to reprimand myself.but wad's e use?its juz all over. game over.

i tink its even bad for lawrence. coz today is his birthday. n all of us really looked demoralised. he couldnt take it and shouted at us, "wad's wrong with u guys?!y all of u look so demoralised?today is my birthday u knw!"ok. i sober up. i really really have to bury that pool of sadness in my heart 1st. so i start to lame and organise the team. seems like everyone gets the pt. after a while, the atmosphere is different. we become more lively. we lame as wad we do usually. n we took some photos at the lake dere again. will post it later on..heex.

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really missed damn lots of lessons tis week. have to catch up real hard. next week test on whole organic chem. gosh. tink will fail like hell. serious.

the pain of losing e game is juz like a big balloon. it can be burst off easily after a few days. but the other pain is juz like a heavy stone. really need time to move it off.

fcuk_off`