Danger: Blinded by Chemistry

Face it; finding a great mate takes some research. "You're going to go through a lot of people, until you find someone where there is some kinetic thing, some magnetism, some desire to know more," says Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a sociologist at the University of Washington in Seattle.

"You're looking for a connection, someone you're physically attracted to -- who's physically attracted to you -- plus someone who doesn't make you feel bored from the get-go," Schwartz tells WebMD.

Chemistry, mutual interests -- that's all great. "But don't let the love bug mesmerize you," says Paul Falzone, author of the book, Find the Right One and CEO of "The Right One" and "Together," two nationwide dating services.

Falzone tells a story of a North Carolina woman who fell "totally in love" with a Massachusetts man she met online. Six months later, they met. Eventually, he encouraged her to sell her house, pack everything into a truck, and prepare herself and her two young children for a new life. Then comes the email saying, "I can't go through with this. I'm sorry, I'm dishonest, I'm married."

"You have to be very careful," Falzone tells WebMD. "Especially when children are involved, you want to make sure you're doing the right thing." In fact, he advises hiring a private investigator when getting involved with someone new. "People are naïve, they will trust anybody. Then after they're snookered, they feel so silly, so embarrassed about what happened."

His dating advice: "You can't change the spots on a leopard."

Danger: Dying of Boredom

A date isn't a therapy session; don't ramble about lost loves or your personal problems too much, Falzone says.

At the beginning, your dates don't need to know about your insecurities, your dead-end job, your failed relationships, he says. It's one thing to show depth of character, but revealing inner demons can be a turn-off. Keep the conversation lively and fun, and slowly reveal the real you.

If you look back fondly on a past relationship, the message comes across that you're not over it -- causing your new romantic interest to feel threatened, jealous, or insecure, says Falzone. Showing bitterness over a breakup can make your date wonder if you badmouth all former flames. Sure, you need to bring up past relationships at some point. But too much too soon can lead to trouble.

Danger: Getting Cynical

Sure, dating can be frustrating, even disillusioning. But don't let it get you down. If you're feeling negative, you'll scare off the good ones. Get out, meet people, and be open to new people and new experiences. You'll meet someone. After all, dating is a process of elimination -- you just haven't met the right one yet.

"I think some people are much more rigid or sure about what they want," says Schwartz. "They don't want to make the same stupid mistakes. But feeling jaded, that's a self-invented problem. There are many good people out there. If you have a 50-item list of criteria, if you're too specific about what you want, too rigid, you're going to find yourself alone forever."

Her dating advice: Look beyond the bald head and other imperfections. "Have an open, optimistic mind. You've got to have enthusiasm, imagination. I know a 50-year-old woman who thought she wanted an intellectual. But she met a cowboy and is having a great time! When people say they're cynical, jaded, they're really scared of having to change a little bit."

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Don't try to stop thinking about the other person; contrary to popular thought, that will only keep the embers burning.

In studies of 70 young men and women, Wegner found that if you suppress those painful thoughts of your dear departed one, you'll keep yourself from getting used to the idea that he (or she) is really gone. Then each time the thought re-enters your mind, your body will react to the distress as if it were the first time -- with all the pain that came along with it that first time, too. So if you can't get your ex out of your mind, Wegner suggests, just give in to it.

another technique that works well is to keep a mental balance scale. For every single thought of "how sweet s/he was when s/he did X," onto the other side of the scale goes a "how unlovely s/he was when s/he did Y."

"It's important to remember, at this time more than ever, the bad with the good," says Alman.
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Another strategy is to use the relationship as a real learning experience. With the help of a trained counselor, you can find out what really happened and why. This can prove invaluable for future relationships.

The beauty of learning is that you can move ahead with confidence rather than fear or bitterness.

You can also see the warning signs more clearly in the future and through counseling learn what steps to take when you see them.

Keep in mind, too, that the pain and anxiety you feel when getting over a breakup are valuable teachers. Allow the pain to roll around your psyche for a while. There is nothing to fear from it, but there's plenty to learn from it. Pain is just another experience.

One of the powerful learning tools for getting over a breakup is journaling. Write down your daily thoughts and emotions during this period of grief. Journaling is a masterful teacher.