WhatTheFcuk

Wednesday, February 07, 2007
8:52 PM

whoo! stepping into hse door feels so great.Yup, have nights off so I'm able to home-sweet-home.

Dun knw what's wrong w me. Monday just book in in the morning, at afternoon time, I yearn to bk out. Its a kind of feeling dat I rarely had. Its not as if I just been thru a 7 days field camp or super xiong training. Its damn slack. Basically doing nth from morn to afternoon. Isnt the best kind of army life u can have as a NSF?Den why am I still yearning for book out?I should b grateful enough for such a life isnt tat so?Guess tts just show how greedy man can be. Nothing is ever satisfied.

Been thinking quite alot through my so-called free time. Sometimes I just wonder, am I really missing the past?Or am I just self pity-ing of all my efforts?In other words, Just feel sorry for the efforts and hardwork dat i've been putting in. I cant figure it out.

Standing at right this pt and look back to sch times, I both envy and mock at myself. I envy becoz I used to enjoy my life & freedom even though I encounter problems, one after another.Now?Even if I wan to feel sad, I have to choose timing. Even if I wan to confide in someone, I've to choose weekends. How ridiculous can it be? Been hearing stuffs of NS frens can b buddies.Working together as one? Forget it man.All they knw is to play tai ji quan. Face up to the reality. None of dem are reliable.Heard of Serve And Fuck off? Or is it just me. Nevertheless, I just lost faith in anyone of dem. Correction, shld b ppl. I cant help but to place an invisible wall in between me and other ppl.

I hate to b in this way. I used to b much more open. Why as my life journey goes along, things just get worse?What's this?Isnt suppose to b the other way round becoz I knw how to handle things better?but instead, I become more selfish,building a defence armour within myself, just wan to stay in my comfort zone and NEVER get out of it. I dun even have the courage to face the challenges out of my comfort zone.

Perhaps, this is the real world.
A world dat I've to learn how to be a bastard
A world dat I'll never like to b in.

Every night, whenever I listen to my mp3 player, I never fails to think of the past. Regardless of u, my class, law, my team etc.

If my life is better, will I ever think of the past?I afraid not.

I just seems to lost myself, the real me. & e precious freedom.

God, pls tell me how to get back to myself.

fcuk_off`